Global Rencai

What is a soulmate?

It was 2008, and Dave and I were on our honeymoon, in Venice at the Peggy Guggenheim Collection, the beautiful museum in the Grand Canal palazzo where the American heiress Peggy Guggenheim lived and entertained the 20th century artists whom she befriended and supported.

Married man’s lover / Dead-end job /Sex before commitment

Married man’s lover

Q: I am a married man’s lover. He is older than me, a mentor-like figure. He did a lot for me – do you think that’s an older guy’s tactics? When we first met I did notice his ring and I didn’t expect to be with him. But when we are together, I feel complete. I have met his family, friends and buddies, so I am not totally in the closet.

I knew that he does not get along with his wife, but it’s not easy to support a family with a kid. I am not sure if I am ready for being a wife. I can’t give him a promise… he loves me, but I am not sure if he loves me enough…

Boyfriend a video-game addict / Setting career goals / Becoming mature

Boyfriend a video-game addict

Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for five years since college. In college we had so much in common, but since then we’ve fought a lot. I am very ambitious and am working hard to build my career, but he’s satisfied working at low-end jobs so he can focus on his real passion, which is sitting around all day playing video games. He’s become so lazy, but I’m sick of nagging. How do I motivate him to get a decent career so we can build a life together?

A: Women everywhere try to change (improve) the men they’re with. But I’m going to save you some time and effort and let you know that *You Cannot Change a Man *.

Spying parents / Annoying people / Dating around

Spying parents

Q: Chinese parents always say, lovingly, “No matter how old you are, you are still a little baby to us!” I am 25 and I am sick of this. My parents recently drove me nuts trying to add me on Kaixin (a social network site). They are already on my QQ, SINA, Renren (I guess I am the only kid in China who befriended parents on Renren)… Why do they always have to know everything about me?!

A: Becoming an adult is all about learning to be independent. That calls for big changes in your relationship with your parents, because they’re the “from whom” you’re becoming independent.

Volunteerism and philanthropy / Pressure to have sex / Homosexual love

Should we change the world or focus on ourselves?

Q: In China, drastic socioeconomic transition has brought about society-wide loss of direction. Many good values are lost, and money and consumption reign. The young Americans I meet all want to “change the world,” but we Chinese are used to looking at things by how they benefit us personally. Our parents sacrificed for our success. Should we therefore focus on being successful or on changing the world?

A: Good news! You do not have to make this choice. We all can focus on being successful AND on making the world a better place.